


Thorin sucks at cooking

by Lookatallmyships



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, M/M, bagginshield, fili and kili are so used to it now tbh, this happens all the time really, thorins hopeless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lookatallmyships/pseuds/Lookatallmyships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili walks into the kitchen, intent on grabbing sandwiches for Kili and himself. He notices Thorin standing in front of the stove, and turns toward him as he opens the fridge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorin sucks at cooking

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing. It's been awhile. For some reason I love making Thorin hopeless.   
> I'm not the best at it, tell me if you find any errors?

Fili walks into the kitchen, intent on grabbing sandwiches for Kili and himself. He notices Thorin standing in front of the stove, and turns toward him as he opens the fridge. 

"Hey uncle" he says, and kneels down, looking for the loaf of bread. 

He finds it on the bottom shelf in the back, and stands back up. Kili rattles off everything he needs in his head. Ham, mayonnaise, tomato, lettuce, and relish (because Kili's fuckin' weird). Once he's sure he has everything, he shuts the fridge. 

"What do you suppose I should do about this?" Thorin asks calmly.

"What, your inability to cook anything that doesn't come in a-"

Thorin steps to the side, and Fili stops mid-sentence in surprise. There's a pot on the stove, Fili isn't sure what's in it. Besides Fire. The pot is definitely full of fire. Fili shakes off his surprise, and quickly dumps his armful of stuff onto the counter. 

"Kili!" Fili yells. "Uncle did it again!" 

Fili starts looking around for the fire extinguisher. He's honestly not all that surprised, Thorin has no skill when it comes to cooking. Or baking. Occasionally microwaving goes wrong too... Despite the fact that Thorin being clueless is a common thing, he's pretty sure Bilbo will be pissed if they burn down his kitchen.

"Did what?" They hear Kili call back from their shared bedroom, where Fili had left him, to search for nourishment. "Are you getting food?"

"Where did we put the fire extinguisher after last time?"

There's a pause, and then Kili shows up. He sighs. "I think it's under the sink."

Fili thanks him, and then crouches down to get it. 

Luckily it doesn't take long to put the fire out, they've had experience after all. One time Thorin stuck a pan of chicken nuggets in the stove without telling them, and then promptly fell asleep. Without setting the timer. Fili shudders at the memory. That was a few years ago, before Thorin and Bilbo started dating. 

Kili walks over, and looks in the pot. He grimaces and turns to Thorin. "What was that?"

"Spaghetti."

"Did you add water?"

Thorin glares at him and nods.

Kili snickers. "just checking." 

"Bilbo isn't going to be happy about the wallpaper" Fili helpfully adds.

The originally blue floral wallpaper is scorched, and part of it actually caught on fire before they managed to put it out. Not to mention the pot that Thorin burned the food in. That's way beyond saving.

~

It's about half an hour later, when Bilbo walks in. Thorin's off sulking, waiting for his takeout to arrive, and Fili and Kili are flopped on the couch, eating their sandwiches.

"Hello boys. It Thorin home?" Bilbo asks, while he hangs up his coat.

"He's off pouting" Kili answers.

Fili snickers.

Bilbo freezes, and then hangs his head. "What happened this time?"

They nod their heads towards the kitchen wordlessly.

Bilbo walks in to investigate, and they hear him groan a minute later. "I just had to replace this wallpaper last month! He's lucky I still have some extra left to cover this.

Fili and Kili keep eating their sandwiches, listening to Bilbo grumble to himself.

Fili pulls out his cellphone and texts Thorin.

_To Thorin: When Bilbo confronts you, you should figure out where to fit in a comment about his cooking being better then anything you could ever hope to make even if you weren't such a disaster._

_To Fili: Is he home yet?"_

_To Thorin: Yeah, he just got in._

_To Fili: Has he seen?_

_To Thorin: Yup._

_To Fili: ...That's pretty good, thanks. I'll make sure to use that_.

 

 


End file.
